My heart hurts.

Misty and I have a great deal in common. We both snore. We both like cheese. We both have a gift for napping and we both like routine. Misty's involves sleeping up by my pillow, farting and snoring and daintily shedding into my face throughout the night before headbutting my hand when it's time for …

Patience is key.

We decided that Genghis needed a pal. Misty is just too old and too grumpy to be dealing with Genghis' exuberance, and I was getting very worried that our fuzzy little lunatic was lonely. I was sure that she would treat the newbie with more affection than Misty has ever managed to display to the …

Squirrel TV is bigly better than the Gorilla Channel.

Genghis spends a lot of time in the windows. She considers them her sole domain as the only time Misty has ever been on a ledge was That One Time the black cat from down the road threatened the household at 6am by sheltering from the rain on the outside sill. I have no idea …

I desperately wanted a cat for so long that I’d forgotten the realities of being at the beck and call of a despotic shit machine. Now I have two.

A 12-year-old with, as it turns out, the gift of on-command flatulence, Misty was a sad bundle of black and white fur in the Glasgow SPCA rehoming centre when we first saw her. With me in floods of tears outside (why can't we take them all?) D made all the arrangements, his kids gave me a consoling pat, and …