This customer came up to the counter and - all at the same time - Dayna shouted for Michael, Michael nodded at the customer, the customer ordered a drink, and Michael told me he was taking his break. Michael disappears, the customer moves down the counter to wait for their drink, and I start chuntering … Continue reading In my defense, I hadn’t properly caffeinated.
C - D's eldest - just looked at me speculatively and asked, "Do you ever write like God?" As I was deep in the Customization panel (which is why this page has been flickering for the last 20 minutes - sorry) I clearly looked bewildered so she clarified: "Do you think you're being a bit … Continue reading I’m scared.
I have been Freelancing more than Benchwarmer'ing and... Actually, that's total bollocks. I have been Freelancing, Barista'ing and avoiding - through sheer lack of enthusiasm - any Benchwarmer'ing at all. Around the end of May (at what should have been my carefully calculated deadline) I got a message from a mate asking about it and … Continue reading I think I have to accept that it was less a deadline, and more ‘a random date I picked out of thin air to justify my current lifestyle’.
I have written bugger all in the last month. Well, apart from to-do lists. And the occasional article for the agency. And a note for D letting him know that I'd already fed the cats and not to believe their Shakespearean declarations of hunger after I'd left for my shift. (Actually, I think Genghis is quite Puck … Continue reading It’s not so much that I’m putting it off, it’s just that it’s vital to the survival of the household that I pair all the socks and polish the doorknobs first.
When I'm starting a book, I compose in bed before I go to sleep. I will lie there in the dark and think. I'll try to write a paragraph. An opening paragraph. And over a period of weeks and months and even years, I'll word and reword it until I'm happy with what I've got. … Continue reading After catching up with Conviction, Grey’s Anatomy, Westworld and House of Lies, I’m currently working my way through Lewis. I highly recommend the latter as, up until Season 7, there are only 4 episodes per, so a binge isn’t so time consuming that you run out of clean pants.
PSA: this is friggin' hilarious. And is the reason, after parsimony, that I don't read these any more. I wrote this after a Sunday reading the glossy magazines that come with the broadsheets, who pretty much all did the same thing that weekend - run a hilariously hagiographic interview with a young actress. I honestly felt I'd … Continue reading “A gesture of such heartbreaking kindness that I might die wanking.”
In the interests of procrastination - because I believe that no deadline should be met without the cold sweat of guilty panic on my brow - I have been researching every aspect of Benchwarmers rather than writing it. There are plenty of How-To's out there, and everyone has a different Must-Do, so I've been sifting through to find … Continue reading I’d rather have financial success than critical acclaim as I’ve had enough of living hand-to-mouth and being able to splurge on a bumper pack of toilet roll from Costco seems like the height of extravagance at the moment. Talk about a low bar…