In my defense, I hadn’t properly caffeinated.

This customer came up to the counter and - all at the same time - Dayna shouted for Michael, Michael nodded at the customer, the customer ordered a drink, and Michael told me he was taking his break. Michael disappears, the customer moves down the counter to wait for their drink, and I start chuntering … Continue reading In my defense, I hadn’t properly caffeinated.

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I think I have to accept that it was less a deadline, and more ‘a random date I picked out of thin air to justify my current lifestyle’.

I have been Freelancing more than Benchwarmer'ing and... Actually, that's total bollocks. I have been Freelancing, Barista'ing and avoiding - through sheer lack of enthusiasm - any Benchwarmer'ing at all. Around the end of May (at what should have been my carefully calculated deadline) I got a message from a mate asking about it and … Continue reading I think I have to accept that it was less a deadline, and more ‘a random date I picked out of thin air to justify my current lifestyle’.

It’s not so much that I’m putting it off, it’s just that it’s vital to the survival of the household that I pair all the socks and polish the doorknobs first.

I have written bugger all in the last month. Well, apart from to-do lists. And the occasional article for the agency. And a note for D letting him know that I'd already fed the cats and not to believe their Shakespearean declarations of hunger after I'd left for my shift. (Actually, I think Genghis is quite Puck … Continue reading It’s not so much that I’m putting it off, it’s just that it’s vital to the survival of the household that I pair all the socks and polish the doorknobs first.

After catching up with Conviction, Grey’s Anatomy, Westworld and House of Lies, I’m currently working my way through Lewis. I highly recommend the latter as, up until Season 7, there are only 4 episodes per, so a binge isn’t so time consuming that you run out of clean pants.

When I'm starting a book, I compose in bed before I go to sleep. I will lie there in the dark and think. I'll try to write a paragraph. An opening paragraph. And over a period of weeks and months and even years, I'll word and reword it until I'm happy with what I've got. … Continue reading After catching up with Conviction, Grey’s Anatomy, Westworld and House of Lies, I’m currently working my way through Lewis. I highly recommend the latter as, up until Season 7, there are only 4 episodes per, so a binge isn’t so time consuming that you run out of clean pants.

“A gesture of such heartbreaking kindness that I might die wanking.”

PSA: this is friggin' hilarious. And is the reason, after parsimony, that I don't read these any more. I wrote this after a Sunday reading the glossy magazines that come with the broadsheets, who pretty much all did the same thing that weekend - run a hilariously hagiographic interview with a young actress. I honestly felt I'd … Continue reading “A gesture of such heartbreaking kindness that I might die wanking.”

I’d rather have financial success than critical acclaim as I’ve had enough of living hand-to-mouth and being able to splurge on a bumper pack of toilet roll from Costco seems like the height of extravagance at the moment. Talk about a low bar…

In the interests of procrastination - because I believe that no deadline should be met without the cold sweat of guilty panic on my brow - I have been researching every aspect of Benchwarmers rather than writing it. There are plenty of How-To's out there, and everyone has a different Must-Do, so I've been sifting through to find … Continue reading I’d rather have financial success than critical acclaim as I’ve had enough of living hand-to-mouth and being able to splurge on a bumper pack of toilet roll from Costco seems like the height of extravagance at the moment. Talk about a low bar…